Tele.

There was a show on last night, called missing pieces.

it was about a girl dying of leukemia, looking for her birthfather in New Zealand. Her Pakeha mum and her then married Maori dad had had an affair, and her mum had got pregnant, left him and had the baby without telling him. She needed to find him to try and find a match for a bone marrow donor, to save her life.

So the show quite rapidly hunts this man down, and initially (due mostly to the bloody shock of it) he says no, shes not his, how could she be his, why didn't her mother tell? he would have left his wife and been a father to this girl. They tell him shes dying, he reconsiders and gets on the first plane to Brisbane.

He immediately reminds me of Dad, save for the fact his hair is completely white. They film him walk into her ward room, and she looks stunned and aprehensive, and he sort of carefully so as not to be too much, walks to her bedside where shes clearly fighting tears and being overwhelmed that her dad is standing in front of her less than 48 hours after she learns they have found him.

I fucking cried, he gives her a big hug, and was reminicent to me of the kind of man who would have taken care of all his responsibilities had he known of her, looking at his sick girl in the bed and hugging and kissing her. hugging her and kissing her the same way dad hugs and kisses me. Too much.

The shit part is, he wasn't and neither was her half brother a match, and they filmed her at home showing the presents she has bought to give her 3 year old twins on their 6th, 10th, 18th, 21st birthdays and wedding days. And they filmed her dad with his moko, and I thought if she'd never got sick, that never would have happened and it seemed a heavy price to pay to find your completion.

They said at that end, after a failed transplant, that she died just before new years, it was really sad. Despite the fact Im not dying it reminded me of meeting Dad for the first time, and how glad I am to have done so, and to have him in my life and all the benefits of being someones sister, and someones auntie, and finally finding my whole self.