On Clayton Weatherston and the Narcissists who hide amongst us

Last night I watched a documentary, about Clayton Weatherston and the murder of Sophie Elliot. At the time of the trial, I personally watched in horror and disgust the way he conducted himself on the stand, so smug, his face distorted with a weird kind of smile, the way he talked about his victim as if she were culpable in her own death, in the 216 stab wounds and the mutilation of her face and body.

The crux of the programme was that Weatherston was presented as having narcissistic personality disorder, somehow this was designed to inform the public of the characteristics, the pathology of it, the whys and the where for.

When Clayton Weatherstons murderous assault hit the news I began to drop some pennys into a bucket, the more his behaviour was analysed in the media, the more was reported on his saying and doing I began to realise how many of them, those with narcisssistic tendancies walk amongst us, and, how many I've had the displeasure of rubbing up against.

Below is a list of characteristics of the narcissist, I can think of a real life example for nearly every single one of them when I consider my step father, my former childhood friend, my partner, and the partners of some of my friends.

1. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

In the years since my mothers divorce, we have spent countless hours in cathartic conversation about the alleged achievements of her exhusband and my stepfather, he'd done everything and was good at everything. Funny thing was looking back, we can find no evidence he actually did ANY of the things he said he did. On the odd occasion I showed particular prowess where he was weak, he would feign total disinterest, attack me, or belittle my achievement. Sometimes he praised me, but usually it was only where my achievement had come as a result of his instigation. My childhood friend always elevated herself above me, it was a competition, and she was the boss. Domineering was an understatement.




2. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

My stepfather was obsessed with his body, and with his sexual prowess, one of the reasons he left my mother is he couldn't get over the idea another man could provide more satisfaction than he could. He did yoga religiously, worked out and swam a km a day, he would check himself out in the mirror after a shower. He fucked around on his wife because I think he thought he was the most amazing lover in the entire world, which is pretty fucked in and of itself. He abused me I think because he liked the idea that it was him before all others.


3. Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

My stepfather was enamoured of the rich and powerful, he liked the idea his friends were at the forefront of cutting technology, which was really just code for high status. Perversely though he has a facination with the downtrodden, drug abusers, transvestites, and the poor, mainly because they provide a platform for him to excersize his ultimate superiority.



4.Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).

When I was 16, my stepfather refused to allow my mother to rise from bed one morning to achieve a series of tasks before she had to go out, I could hear her saying 'please Grant, I need to get up I've got so much to do before 10.30' he continued to harrass her and she continued to mitigate the reasons she didn't want to stay. In the end he said rather loudly ' you are here to serve me, you take care of me before you take care of yourself'. That said everything really. If something was not about him he would sulk and perform, when Aaron and I had our housewarming, he sat at the top of the drive downing beers, and refusing to socialise, because it wasn't about him. He would say things such as 'without me you are nothing, I made you who you are' as if to say he could also take away everything we were.



5. Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations

Doing what he wanted was paramount, not doing it, wasn't worth the grief. My mother and I were pawns to be used for his ultimated satisfaction, it didn't matter if we had our own commitments.



6. Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

When it comes to business, he wasn't above fucking anyone over, when Aaron and I split up, he screwed him for the balance of the mortgage, something I have always felt embarrassment over. When he split up with my mother he got her to help him furnish his new 'investment' apartment and promptly left her once it was finished. It suddenly became apparent that had always been the plan, he was too gutless to tell her the true nature of his intentions and was too hopeless to pick out furniture by himself.

7. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others

He had no interest in our feelings except where they were used to prop himself up, I was his stepdaughter but he had no issue denigrating the fact that my own father was 'black'.  When explaining the reasons to me (fucked reasons) he was leaving my mother I said ' but you cheated on her through your marriage, you had a child, what did you expect?', he replied ' Its not my behaviour I have a problem with'.

8. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

Jealously reigned in our house, I personally beleived he was envious of natural talents I had and sought to squash them whereever possible. Music stands out as a prime example, the man was tone deaf and had no real affinity for music, but I am my fathers daughter and could sing and loved to listen to music on the radio. Music became almost banned, or, we were only allowed to listen to music that he liked, which wasn't very much lol. when my childhood friend and I were 10, she ordered me to go home from our playdate on the premise I refused to give her my raincoat, she wanted it, she was bloodywell going to have it.
At the end of their marriage, my mother shared a dance with my stepfathers work collegue, a man experienced with ceroc. So good at leading her was he, my stepfather fizzed over it for 6 weeks, eventually accusing my mother of secretly nightclubbing. How retarded.

9. Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted

My stepfather was full of himself, if you called him out on anything that was not right he would 'go crocodile' as mum and I used to call it. One of the reasons I finally emancipated myself from him was the fact he found my criticisms of him unpalatable, and threw a sook and stopped speaking to me. The fact that it was because I found it distasteful sending a group email to me, my mother, his mother, the woman he'd been fucking the last 14 years of his marriage, the mother of the child he spawned who was 5 years my junior, and his new girlfriend, went completely over his head. he was put simply a fucking moron.
My friend kate, upon learning her casual lover and her best friend were dating secretly confronted this situation only to be told thats how it was and she'd just have to get over it, arrogance isn't even suffice for that one.

the reason I know Im not a narcissist myself is that when confronted with these peoples behaviours you are left thinking 'what the hell?' when you start questioning your own behaviour ' omg am I a bad person? do people really hate me? did I do something wrong?' you know you are not built that way. A Narcissist would never have the ability to be so self analytical.

I have friends who have had narcissists in their lives, my friend Kate had one who subjected her to sustained psychological attacks, my friend Amy has two former partners who are. The narcissist is that person with whom your relationship is always fraught with difficulty, the highest highs and the most abhorrent lows. The narcissist tells you you are a bad person, they humiliate you, they refuse to acknowledge any good you bring into their life. The enact violence against you, either physical or psychological, they belittle your achievements and conflate their own. They pry their way into your networks whilst simultaneously detaching you from them completely.

The narcissist eats their way through relationships like they are eating them for breakfast, using, discarding and filling up their ego as they go. Colin McCloud of the Clan McCloud, whilst benevolent, was almost a metaphor for narcissism, the catch cry 'there can be only one' rings like a narcissitic battle howl, as they chop off your head and drain you of your life force.

What angers me the most though, is the complete lack of understanding of this personality disorder in the courts, its cost my friend custody of her daughter, as her narci -ex manipulates his way through the system, using a combination of guile, tears, and cunning degradation of her through rumour and innuendo to acheive his goals. I just wish that someone, anyone would open their eyes to see. I feel sorry for my stepfathers new girlfriend who he subjegates and tortures over things as retarded as using cake soap to wash herself, because they had run out of liquid. Can someone please lock these people up?