weird day

 PMS to the max. debilitating even. every month now getting about 3 sustained days of intense fatigue like someone blocked me on the head and knocked me out. Makes me feel like a dick pretending theres something wrong with me when there isn't... but there is.

Sad stuff has happened, Nickys dog has somehow ended up being thrown, or jumping from a moving car off a motorway overbridge about 20 metres high 5 km from our house and sustaining serious injuries which might mean they have to put him down. Its a shit ending to good life had by Zebby, a good loved safe life. Im so annoyed. He's in so much pain he is crying, and cannot get up to toilet, he even bit Nicky while she tried to help him and it hurt him so much. The PMS makes me feel like crying. That and other sad stuff I can't discuss which makes me feel guilty, and generally abit deflated, life is fuckin unfair, and cruel in its choices, and I wish I could do something to help change that but I can't.

My dad told me he was proud of me today over the phone, I didn't know that that could have such a profound feeling, also made me want to cry. That at least was a nice thing in amongst the sadness.

Seen a guy on Facebook today that I met in Japan, that was weird, weird to remember the first time I ever saw him, on a beautiful warm sunny day, walking along Midosuji, crossing the street. I guess I remember so well because he was very pretty, like WOAH pretty, he had a linen white shirt on and a silver bracelet and beige trousers. I remember too, that Ken was with me, he had just arrived from NZ to visit me while I was living in Osaka, and I remember thinking it would be just my luck that a day when an extraordinarily pretty boy would walk in front of me in the street, that I would be with a guy! hahaha. Bad timing.

I do remember thinking gosh, and thinking oh well, doesn't hurt to look. A few nights later the pretty boy showed up at my bar... oh what luck. He was half danish half japanese, in that Keanu reeves cut of the jib, he was abit of a flirt, and introduced himself to me, we got to know each other abit and when he used to come in to the restaurant to eat he'd whisper 'when are you going to run away with me' hahahahah. Im pretty sure I wished I could. He's still pretty, but older, and he's probably still flirting with lots of women, I asked him to add me to his friends list, that should be interesting!