What I wrote in there and am too lazy to rephrase.
Its midnight, Im writing my Maori essay, 2500 words of total shit at this juncture. MGMT is in my earphones, the lamp is on, Im trying to be low lit, low vol, low maintenance. That guy on the left is Kawiti Te Ruki of Ngati Hine. I am his rather proud granddaughter of the 6th descent. He was a dude, and invented modern day trench warfare. top that then.
Seb is sleeping on the other side of the glass doors, I stuck some extra drapery over the curtain to shield out the light. He's been super helpful to me in this last chaotic, fucked up, flu infested leap for the finish of the semester. I feel completely brainfucked, like Im hanging onto the edge with bleeding fingernails. Its so close, but Im still 750 words of mud, a politics in class test, and a class presentation away from the assessment side of things being over.
And then somehow after there is only 6 days till first exam, and then 14 more days till final exam I am free for the summer.
I have hated this semester, like no shit balls out hated it. I've been unwell and yet theres apparently nothing wrong with me. My thyroid has gone nuts and judging by the state of my body Im fattening up like a good little menopausal woman should.
Problem is, Im 35.
Imagine that discussion I just had with my presently menopausal mother, oh yeah ,the matching set of menopause mother and daughter. When I was 12 and all the girls were getting their periods we dreamed about the day the ew yuck blood nitemare would end. Well fuck me, I left one nitemare and walked into a new ugly tired fat one.
I don't even know if thats whats wrong, but its bloody unpleasant I know that much. I have never been this fat in my entire life. I was the kid that got teased for her skinny legs, now Im the roly poly pudding. I can't even blame it on drinking, Im so old now that shit just gives me a headache.
Im throwing the middle finger to ageing.
0 comments:
Post a Comment