There should be a person who warns you, that when you take up the choice of Politics in an academic career (especially politics AND sociology AND Maori Studies), that people will stop talking to you, and family members will avoid conversation with you at all costs.
I don't know why this is, other than the vague hint of the glaze that forms over people eyes whenever you begin a sentence.
Actually, thats not entirely true, I 'think' I know why that is, but its confronting nonetheless. Education is meant to be freeing, enlightening, empowering, it is meant to build upon the foundations of a life, a person, their experience, its sposed to make you smarter worldlier and better equipped to understand the society you live in.
And it does, for you. But don't count on anyone wanting to join you for the ride.
My subject choices have given me two things, the ability to understand my political leanings, and to defend and express them, and the ability to understand who I am, and to say yes I belong here, yes I am part of this, instead of perpetually standing at the shop window, staring on from the outside.
I would hope this would be met with cheers and hi fives, and it has, but only from other fellow students or friends who have taken a similar path of learning. Other people look on befuddled, sometimes important people, important to me anyway. Its hard to spend a life searching for a passion, only to find it, and find, that you are alone in it. Im changing my name when I can afford it, and dissapointingly this offends some of my family members who don't understand. It would be awesome if they could say 'thats cool, I'm so pleased for you, power to you', not 'whats the point' or 'are you being trendy', or 'I can't think of you that way'.
The shame of it is it makes me not want to share anything I learn which is stupid, when people ask what I do I want to reply 'oh bits and pieces' instead of opening myself up to feeling dumb when on a recent occasion whilst answering Sebs parents question about what I was doing this year and I dutifully begin to answer, they both turned away midsentence and watched the football, turning back again to say ' oh, yep, sorry I missed most of that, the soccer, its, just a really important game'.
fuck you too. this is my life, its just really important to me.
So to be straight, Im learning, and I like it, and Im not being trendy or bandwagony, or militant, Im not following a scene or trying to be a person Im not, Im being the person I am, and its whats happened because I decided to go to university.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
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1 comments:
I support your choice to study, work and live in any field of endeavour you choose. But you are right about having to go it alone and that is not only true for pol/sco/Maori students. The vast majority of people do not care to learn exactly what it is I do for a living, "he does something in IT" is pretty much as good as it will get from most.
This does not bother me. I know what I am good at and the vast depths of knowledge and experience it takes to be me. On occasion it is good to be surrounded by people that 'get' what I do or relate to my other personal fields of interest. To have them praise puffs me up with pride but in the end is unnecessary. My satisfaction comes from within.
I do not expect my family to understand why a piece of code I wrote is exceptionally beautiful or intrinsically better that what had come before. I understand that most everybody will not wish to cram vast amounts of minutiae about Marvel comics of the late 70's and 80's into their brainpan either.
What you have learned has taken concerted effort on your part over the last 3 years, sometimes the level at which you cognatise your field is unfathomable to the layman. I don't know much about Seb's family but understand that his father at the least may have a similarly unfathomable connection with sport that needs to be factored in. This should not override basic respect though.
As far as name changes go the only people whose opinion I care about are yours and your mother’s. I respect her choice to parent you without Dad and see honour in sharing a name with her. If she has no misgivings, so be it. Sometimes I think the boys could do with a stronger link to their dad. Considering the age Kobi is approaching perhaps it may be nearing a time when he would like to decide to share a name with his father as there is not much chance for them to share much in the future. Cole too in a few years. I see value in a ritual such as that.
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